If you’re reading this, the title of this blog might have caught your attention.
Life presents us with so many challenges—raising children, caring for aging parents, managing work-life balance, nurturing healthy relationships, dealing with workplace stress, navigating personal health issues, and facing major life transitions like divorce or loss—just to name a few. Through these challenges, most of us turn to someone for support—a friend, sibling, or spouse for example—hoping for comfort and understanding.
Yet, too often, instead of feeling supported, we walk away from these conversations feeling unheard. Well-meaning, cheerleader-like responses such as, “You’ve got this!” or, “You’re strong!” or, “Everything is going to be okay!” may be intended to uplift, but they often miss the mark. While encouragement has its place, what we often need first is something deeper: validation and empathy. Sometimes, we don’t even receive cheerleading. Instead, the response may shift the focus to the other person—how our struggles make them feel or how they’ve experienced something similar—which can leave us feeling even more isolated, stressed, or guilty. Rather than alleviating our burden, this dynamic can make it heavier, adding another layer of frustration or loneliness.
Why Validation Matters
Neuroscience tells us that when we feel truly heard and understood, our brain responds in powerful ways. The limbic system, responsible for processing emotions, becomes calmer when we receive validation. When someone acknowledges our pain—without rushing to fix it or reframe it—we experience a sense of safety. This safety allows the prefrontal cortex, the rational part of the brain, to engage, helping us move from emotional overwhelm into problem-solving mode.
Think of it like this: If you’re stuck in neutral, someone telling you to “just drive forward” doesn’t help. But if they acknowledge that you are stuck—“That looks really frustrating. I can see why you’re struggling with this.”—it can create a shift. Suddenly, you’re no longer alone in your struggle. You feel seen. And that small moment of recognition helps you shift into first gear, ready to take the next step forward.
The Power of Simply Being There
So, what does validation look like? It can be as simple as saying:
- “Wow, that sounds really hard.”
- “I can see why you’re feeling this way.”
- “That must be incredibly frustrating.”
- “I hear you. This is really painful.”
It doesn’t require problem-solving or advice—just presence and acknowledgment.
If you’re on the receiving end of well-intended cheerleading, it’s okay to voice what you really need. You might gently say:
“I really appreciate your support. Right now, what I need most is just some validation that this situation is really difficult.”
Or, if the conversation shifts toward the other person and leaves you feeling unheard, you might say: “I know you’re trying to relate, but right now, I really just need space to express what I’m going through without comparison.”
Many people aren’t taught how to offer validation, but when we model it for them, they can learn. And when we practice it ourselves, we strengthen our relationships and create deeper emotional connections.
Offering Empathy to Others
Just as we crave validation, we can also be the ones to offer it. The next time someone shares their struggles with you, try to listen without immediately jumping in with solutions or encouragement. Instead, reflect their feelings back to them. A simple, “That sounds really tough. I can see why you feel that way” can make a world of difference. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been the hardest part for you?” or, “How can I best support you right now?” By offering space for their emotions rather than trying to fix them, you become a source of true comfort and connection.
Closing Thoughts
Validation and empathy are not just niceties—they are fundamental to healing. When we feel heard, we move through pain more effectively, finding balance and clarity faster. Whether you are seeking support or offering it to others, remember, you don’t have to fix everything. Just be there. Sometimes, the most healing words are simply, “I see you. I hear you. And what you’re feeling is completely valid.”
Let’s start practicing this small shift. The difference it makes is profound.
I’d love to hear your thoughts—how have you experienced validation or the lack of it? Join the conversation in the comments!
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